CANNABIS CHAMPS
Times are changing. No longer are the days where I am putting myself in precarious situations to pick up bud from Lord-knows-where by some dude named Steen who delivers in an empty pizza box. I’ve come a long way from hanging out for an uncomfortable amount of time while Steen plays PS2 before putting my eighth on the scale. Since then, I’ve progressed into becoming a judge in the stoner Olympics. I and our state’s finest athletes, have been exercising our lungs, minds and diaphragms in order to present to you, high reader, the best of the best of our cannabis experiences.
The Big Bud Classic has been a full-out display of craftsmanship and tender loving care by our local artisans and weed farmers. I am here to deliver my favorite contenders. Now, I tried to be as objective as possible, but ask that of Cheech & Chong.
The Purple Flower
It looks amazing. It smells amazing. It tastes amazing. It feels amazing. It is amazing. This was, hands down, my favorite strain of the (big) bunch. Because of its rich indigo color, it was the first strain to catch my eye from the bags of bud I received. This weed must be witchcraft. I had a gut feeling she would be share-worthy, so I anxiously awaited to toke up until I had a few friends over to celebrate a birthday. It had us all feeling giggly and social enough to blast ’90s pop country through my vintage Klipsch speakers. The evening ended in us dancing around like absolute hooligans, singing along to Trisha Yearwood like we were getting paid. I ended up utilizing this strain anytime I needed a daytime pick-me-up, help with writer’s block, stimulation of creativity or a boost in my overall mood. It’s the purple drank of weed (aka Terpgasm by Spring River Dispensary).
Best paired with: A house party you might be hosting, a blueberry muffin, a coloring book, picking up an instrument for the first time.
Cheeky Little Vape
I opened up the baggie and gasped. O.M.G. This little guy is posh! It did not look like any vape I’d seen before. It had a glass tip. This vape was art, y’all. I’m not gonna lie, I was a bit nervous to smoke it at first. I had some irrational fear based on no scientific fact that the tip of the vape might get too hot to comfortably inhale? Whatever, it didn’t. It was totally cool to puff on, and seeing the clouds form in the tip had me feeling like I was in a Thich Nhat Hanh poem. It was all fun and games (“O.M.G. LOOK at this vape!) until I left it in the heat of the summer for about an hour. When I went back to show it off again, the wax had kind of seeped out of its crevices, so it ended up covered in goo. Turns out, all that was special about it was just the tip. (Dulce De Uva, Live Rosin Vape by River Valley Relief)
Best paired with: Any social situation in which you want to appear cooler than you actually are, and an environment below 80 degrees.
The Stuff I Spiked My Drink With
Who doesn’t love a little mind-altering substance by a body of water? Pure Pharma’s PPL Blood Orange Drops, winning best tincture by a processor, was the perfect addition to my fizzy water kombucha concoction I sipped by the pool this summer. This little pick-me-up and chill-me-out goes great in any sort of beverage you might be covertly enjoying. It tasted mild enough to be undetected and was easy to dose with the little dropper it comes with. You can ingest it directly under your tongue or dilute it to your liking in whatever drink you like. It had me feeling loose and light, without drowsiness. This is a great alternative for those of us who’d like to get a little silly while sipping on something.
Best paired with: A Passionfruit Lacroix + Guava Goddess Synergy kombucha + lime mocktail, lounging on a boat that doesn’t belong to you, or a morning tea on a day off.
The Magic Balm
I pray to this balm. To say I was delighted to hear that the concoction I instinctively knew to rub all over my body was deemed the best topical from our processors would be an understatement. Dark Horse Cannabis crafted an effective muscle balm called Mary’s Medicinal Muscle Freeze. I put it on any and every ache and pain and scar on my body. Like magic, it provides instant relief. It’s like Tiger Balm got high. For those of you who aren’t into the experience of being high (I would not know what that is like), don’t worry — it doesn’t go to your head. Your shoulders will just get high as fuck. Or, if you’re me, your ankle. I sprained my ankle one night after haphazardly walking down a stranger’s poorly lit steps, and this balm came in so clutch. I rubbed the balm all over my ankle while it was puffy and green, and it made me feel like I was healing. At the least, it relaxed the area enough to where I couldn’t feel my heartbeat in my foot.
Best paired with: Breezy’s hot yoga class at Barefoot Studio, a self-administered lymphatic massage, rolling around the floor on a foam roller, a nice hot Epsom-salt-try-not-to-fall-asleep-and-drown bubble bath, or a sprained ankle.
Thus concludes the Arkansas Cannabis Times’ first Big Bud Classic. Congratulations to not only our winners, but all those who entered the contest and displayed their valiant efforts to further cannabis and its many forms. You did it. You got us high.
